Integrated Emotion Coaching - Foundation Skills Part 1 - Self-awareness

In order to help children work through their problems and challenges, there are some crucial points we need to acknowledge. Over a series of blog posts, we will look in greater detail at the challenges that most children face, and how we can start equipping them with the strategies and skills to thrive!

Challenge #1 Self-awareness

Most children struggle to recognize when they are experiencing a stressful moment or episode. They lack the self-awareness and ability to identify that their emotional state has changed from one of being Ok, to one of being not Not Ok. This is a very high level skills, and takes much practise. Realistically, for many children this is one of the hardest skills to teach. Age appropriate impulsivity and lack of cognitive function (due to immaturity) are the biggest barriers. But it is not insurmountable, and the earlier a child starts to learn this skill, the better. A child who, often with help, can recognise their stress levels are elevating BEFORE they reach the stage of full blown meltdown or panic, is far better placed to communicate their distress and seek help to resolve their stress. This skill really is about body mindfulness. Mindfulness has become big business over the last decade, and for good reason. The more a person can be aware of what they are seeing, touching, hearing, to notice when their heart rate has risen, or their breathing has become quicker, or if they have started pacing the room, or if they are now standing from a sitting position, or if they have hunched over and choosing to avert their eyes, the better equipped they will be to PAUSE and avoid an escalation towards problematic behaviour. Instead of being focused on the stress of the moment, a person skilled at mindfulness is able to step outside of their body, look back, and observe what they see and feel in that moment. Most of us have habitual and tell-tale signs of stress that we experience, and they don't often change too much. What are your early tell-tale signs? Do you talk faster? Does your heart rate increase? Do you feel flushed in the face or your hands sweat? Maybe your voice volume increases or the tone changes. Your early stress signs are likely to be the same, every time you get stressed. And the same happens for your child. When through careful investigation you and your child can identify what their early stress signs are, and they are made aware of it gently in real time, then there is a good chance of calming down and working through a problem productively with minimal disruption.